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My Name

by Siena Christie

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    CD with disc art in a full-color sleeve with front and back artwork, including track listing. Photography by Austin Wilson.

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1.
No Less 04:21
4:34 in the morning I guess I just drove ten hours south to marry you While my real husband was sleeping beside me I’m awake, but it all still feels true Past the border I came to a stoplight Pictured you standing there dressed in black But your face hadn’t changed since the day that I left you And you still had your long hair pulled back I don’t think that I ever quite got there To the part where I donned a white dress I think I almost woke up for a moment ’Cause it scared me to think I might love you no less But that moment went by, the red light went green And I got back on the 5 to make time I’m not sure what we thought we were doing ’Cause you’re in LA and you like it there fine And it’s all good up north here on my end Wouldn’t want even one thing to change When we sit on the couch watching planes crash on TV Huddled close under blankets while it rains Had to win lots of wars just to get here Wouldn’t have guessed I was still under threat ’Cause I take pills; I’ve put state lines between us And I’d never admit if I loved you no less I was nearing the last of my exits With my bridal veil still in the trunk When the cops stopped my car and said, take a new route Someone’s dead because someone was drunk I got out and saw you on the shoulder And I fell to my knees at your side As your shirt caught my tears, I prayed to heaven this was all a bad dream And then I opened my eyes Now the light on my phone is as low as it goes And my lover’s just trying to rest And I’m back to my senses, but if not, I would call you Saying long time no talk, but I love you no less Long time no talk, but I love you no less
2.
Back when I told you goodbye The never-ending city lights were beautiful I wanted to drown in a hundred friends Needed to hear a few more men call me beautiful Now my camera’s full of pictures Taken at the bar on Main With some folks who think there’s two n’s in my name So fly on down and save me now Get me out of this godforsaken town The lights go on forever And I need you more than ever So find me here and don’t look back I’m a runaway train and you’re the right track The lights go on forever I wish that I’d known better And I miss you I get why folks watch late-night shows People making a mess of themselves are beautiful And changing pixels on my screen Distract my head from thinking we were beautiful But I went and lost that picture That we took some years ago ’Cause my sneakers didn’t match your old green coat (chorus) There’s a nightmare I’ve been having for some time now Where every single thing I touch turns into gold You’ll come knocking and I’ll wrap my arms around you Then I wake up shaking in the cold (chorus x2)
3.
Hello, it’s me, I’m home I know it’s been some time, but I’ve missed you so Hello, it’s me, I’m home Hello, it’s me, I’m home I hope you’ll recognize me as I am Hello, it’s me, I’m home Tell me, does the thunderstorm still make it feel like The house is safe and warm? Pictures on the mantelpiece and dogs lie sleeping This place I once belonged Hello, it’s me, I’m home Some years ago you bought me a raincoat Hello, it’s me, I’m home Hello, it’s me, I’m home I wish I even knew why I’m drenched and cold Hello, it’s me, I’m home Tell me, does the rain still make an angel of me As April showers come down? If you let me in and shine a bright light on me Maybe then I’ll be found
4.
To My Core 03:00
We walked a million blocks down an empty street Seemed like you couldn’t stop talking real to me And I was questioning whether I should let you in ’Til I saw that I already had Boy, you cut right to my core, and it hurts so good Yeah, you cut right to my core, you got me understood No point in trying to hide from those sharp black eyes Seeing through to my truth again And my heart is a jungle But you somehow found your way And this love is a labyrinth But I think we’ll come out OK You let down your long black hair when the lights go dark You rest your eyes on me like I’m a work of art Looks like I’ve found somebody who’ll be tough to quit Like a time bomb who’s tied to my heart ’Cause you cut right to my core every single time Yeah, you cut right to my core, you make me come alive And when we go our ways, I know you’re gonna stay In my memory forevermore And I hope that you’ll call me When I’m far away But I’ll sleep better just knowing An old soul’s holding down this place ’Cause you cut right to my core every single time You’ll cut me right to my core when you say goodbye But when we go our ways, I know you’re gonna stay In my memory forevermore In my memory forevermore And when we go our ways, I know you’re gonna stay In my memory forevermore
5.
There used to be a face behind this mask There used to be a place that felt like home behind this door There used to be a voice inside this empty shell Singing songs on a golden shore Someone to hold your broken church together To help you bring your lost believers back Somebody young and fresh and inexpensive A smiling face, even a painted mask All of my life I’ve wanted love so badly I’d sign my name in ink for anyone I wouldn’t say you took advantage of me Most prayers have answers; yours was a trick question But there used to be a face behind this mask There used to be a place that felt like home behind this door There used to be a voice inside this empty shell Singing songs on a golden shore I wonder who you were before life told you That you’re just the sum of what you take or give Somebody told me that they used to know you With wild red hair, playing outside with kids I wish I weren’t ashamed of my own reflection I wish it didn’t hurt to hear my name I wish you’d never said the things you said to me And it makes me sorry to think you’ve been through the same ’Cause… (chorus) Your cheeks are red from all the times you’ve turned them Your hands are red from all the cheeks they’ve turned And all those lessons that you preach to children Are ones that you yourself have yet to learn What does it take to save a would-be savior? What would it take to save the one who tried? Was it to watch these fools he left behind him Dressing up as him, was that why Jesus died? Well, … (chorus 3x) I wonder who your children think their mother is I wonder who my mother thinks I am I’d resurrect you if I had the power But all I want is to see my own face again
6.
I Will 04:31
I think I’ve found the one Hooray for me, champagne time I think I’ve fooled someone Into loving the likes of me Last night a dear old friend Called in to send best wishes He says we’re fit to wed We might just last for always But I don’t believe in fortune telling I don’t believe in magic And I kind of feel like all this going on’s not for us I just want to stay awake past bedtime Making laugh lines on your face I don’t want to walk in a married woman’s shoes But I will for you I just want to fall asleep on your chest Like the child I used to be I don’t want to walk in a married woman’s shoes But I will for you For you I’ll buy new things As time goes on we’ll need them For you I’ll wear my ring Even when I’m sleeping But I’ve never heard of perfect endings They seem so hard to fathom And if that’s what we’ve signed up for now, better brace ourselves (chorus) I’d known you for a week When you saw that my heart was broken And “you will not lose me” Are my favorite words you’ve spoken But I still don’t want a perfect wedding ’Cause we’re not perfect either And I hope our family and friends never think we are (chorus) I just want to fall asleep on your chest Like the child you see in me I don’t want to walk in a married woman’s shoes But I will for you, for you
7.
Peace 03:38
I walked around the block; I had no messages to answer I heard the birds up in the pines and watched the horses canter I stared across the evening sky above the sleeping farms And it felt so wrong; it felt so upside down I tried to think of what I must be missing, but I couldn't I dared my phone to ring inside my pocket, but it wouldn't I closed my eyes and waited for directions, but none came And I felt so wrong; I felt so upside down Help me, I’m happy Help me, I’m at peace Help me, I’m confused And the lilac air smells too sweet It’s like I’ve bust a cage and now I have no bars to cling to There’s rust between my palms and wounds embedded in my pride Some tasteless painter figured I’d go nice beside these flowers I don’t belong here; I need to go inside Help me, I’m happy Help me, I’m at peace Help me, I can't walk Upon these steady mindful feet A coffee mug once told me that the world will stay at war Until we rock to sleep those weeping children in our hearts So help me learn to stand here As this screwed-up earth turns east While the colors change from blue to pink With dots of Canada geese ’Cause no one’s ever taught me how To be at peace with peace And I am trying as hard as I know how To be at peace with peace
8.
Don’t fold the laundry, don’t pay the rent Don’t put away the Christmas gifts your mother sent Don’t check your inbox, don’t make the bed Don’t you ignore that nagging voice inside your head Just call your dad Just call your dad Unpacking boxes, I stumbled on Photos he took of you way back when you were young I know it’s hard to think what to say Besides how are you, I hope the kids are doing great Just call your dad Just call your dad Something befell him, something bad Hard to predict it, but the odds are helped When it’s caught early on in otherwise good health You’ve got his nature, those dreaming eyes Maybe he doesn’t even know how much you’ve cried Just call your dad Just call your dad Someday we’ll know how much time we had Just call your dad
9.
I tore through the closet for my beach blankets Before I remembered where they are I was too numb to walk on the night things ended So I left them lying in your car I highly doubt you'll need them down in SoCal But I kinda hope you'll keep them anyway ’Cause I still haven't sent back the novels you lent me Or even read the final page I guess I’m holding onto all you gave to me Ashes, ashes singing clear Something good is gone Something good was here Our better angels warned us early on One day we’d reach a bitter end If I could turn back time I'd choose to make the same mistake again When I close both my eyes it’s the end of July Going up 99 with you behind the wheel Hoping to spend our last week building fires by the beach Holding hands to memorize how it feels You say you’d like to lay our love to rest cleanly If we walk away, the sparks will fade with time I guess this is what I signed up for, before I really knew you Not a clue what I’d be leaving behind ’Cause now I’m… (chorus) Wildfires raging in the sky above Giant sequoias burning back into dust And I began to wonder, will the soul of this love Take some other form when time is up? I recall that we stayed in a Fresno motel Because the lake was up in smoke too thick to breathe That night I saw your face backwards in the bathroom mirror Like a stranger staring straight through me As we headed back south, you kept your eyes on the road And I knew I’d never be the same if I tried ’Cause whether we were a forest that burned, or just a strange wrong turn You'll be part of me for all my life And I’ll be… (chorus) If I could turn back time I'd choose to make the same mistake again
10.
Vancouver 03:40
Close the door and I breathe deep The sky is dark, the air is clean Lights in windows all along our street No sign of billboards anywhere I’m not gonna try getting famous out here It’s been a dream for twenty-six long years And it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now The silence that once frightened me is all around And the rain that always clears my head is falling down And it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now Drinks at the bar while a folk band plays Tapping our feet to an acoustic bass Solving the mysteries in each other’s face You say you’re glad to see I’ve changed From trying to win somebody else’s praise So concerned with what might become of my name Well I’m older now, I’m older now, I’m older now I’d rather be right here than somewhere selling out And the rain that always clears my head is falling down And it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now I roll my window down to hear the crickets sing Street musicians earning nothing Never to know the wounds they’re healing I was once a kid making up songs In back of a car with the radio on Pictured my name typed up in cursive font I guess I’ve been so preoccupied Trying to live somebody else's life And you've been waiting for me all this time Well, it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now ’Cause here we are with an old guitar on this tiny couch And the rain that always clears my head is pouring down And it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now Yes, it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now ’Cause here I am in Vancouver and I’m not coming out And the rain that always clears my head is pouring down And it’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now It’s over now, it’s over now, it’s over now
11.
Dragon 03:44
Today I drew a dragon Lighting fires as it breathes Someone told me, hey, that’s good Why don’t you quit your job I said f you in Nice Personese I’m slowly coming loose Like a warm pen full of ink Making messes everywhere Telling friends to close their eyes And just hear themselves think See I’ve been living life afraid Of what I’ll never be But you loved me enough to let me go Maybe I’m seeing what you saw in me Wouldn’t leave my work You kept on telling me I should I said, I was born to help Even if it breaks my bones In my ear you whispered, f*** the greater good I miss the way you’d scare me Looking so deep into my eyes I once asked if you’d sketch me You shook your head and said You’d never get the lines right (chorus, instrumental) And you may never fully know The dragon you set free ’Cause you loved me enough to let me go Maybe I’d see what you saw in me In me In me In me

credits

released May 29, 2019

All songs written and sung by Siena Christie.
Keyboards and ukulele played by Siena Christie.
Guitars and bass played by Kevin Hahn.
Guitar on Track 10 ("Vancouver") played by Alonzo Garbanzo.
Violin and viola played by Rhys Hertafeld.
Backing vocals on Tracks 2 ("Lights") and 5 ("Savior") by family of Siena Christie.
Produced and mastered by Kevin Hahn at Opal Studio, Portland, OR.

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Siena Christie Asheville, North Carolina

love songs about dead things

dead songs about love things

thing songs about dead love

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